Monday, November 06, 2006

Marriage Is...

Marriage Is...

A commitment. Its success doesn't
depend on feelings, circumstances, or
moods ~ but on two people who are
loyal to each other and the vows they
took on their wedding day...

Marriage Is...

Hard work. It means chores, disagreements,
misunderstandings, and times when you
might not like each other very much. When
you work at it together, it can be the
greatest blessing in the world.

A relationship where two people must listen,
compromise, and respect. It's an arrangement
that requires a multitude of decisions to be
made together. Listening, respecting, and
compromising go a long way toward keeping
peace and harmony.

Marriage Is...

A union in which two people learn from
their mistakes, accept each other's faults,
and wilingly adjust behaviours that need to
be changed. It's caring enough about each
other to work through disappointing and
hurtful times, and believing in the love that
brought you together in the first place.

Patience and forgiveness. It's being open
and honest, thoughtful and kind.
Marriage means talking things out,
making necessary changes, and forgiving
each other. It's unconditional love at its
most understanding and vulnerable ~ love
that supports, comforts, and is determined to
triumph over every challenge and adversity.

Marriage is a partnership of two unique
people who bring out the very best in each
other and who know that even though they
are wonderful as individuals... they are even
better together.

Barbara Cage

When I read this verse my eyes fill with tears. I have learnt so much about myself, my husband and marriage. Had my husband not had an affair I really do believe that my marriage would have failed. Now I see there is hope for my marriage.

My relationship with my husband was truly special, something that very few couples ever experience. Right now I am not sure if we will ever have that again.

What I do know is that I have to give myself a chance to heal from this traumatic experience. I am exhausted. I am tired both physically and emotionally.

I no longer feel it is in my best interest to continue blogging. I once wrote a post on the 'Tiny window of hope' that related to the continued contact with the Mistress keeping her hopes alive. Whilst ever she reads my blog she has an insight into my life.

I have reached the stage where I realise she does not deserve to see what happens to my marriage. And therefore this will be my last ever post on 'Totally Shattered'.

To all my readers I thank you for your comments and support during the last however many months you have read my blog. Shattered will one day be back but probably in hardback on the bookshelves.

Feel free to drop me an email so I can keep you updated!

Thanks again

He will wait for that day

I was reading one of my favourite blogs today and came across a very moving post that relates so well to my life at the moment.

We all know 'Goodbye my Lover" by James Blunt, and in fact this is one of my favourite CD's at the moment. I guess the thing that got me the most from the clip I viewed today are the words that accompany it.

The man goes all out to impress the woman. He presents her with a bunch of flowers and says:

"I know you don't have love to give me today

But I am sure someday you will have.....I'm sure

And I will wait for that day

because I know that day will come.....I'm sure

But for today, please have faith in my love

Because I know it's enough for both of us."

My husband has said goodbye to his Mistress and wants nothing else but to rebuild our marriage. He tries every single day to regain my trust and show me how much he loves me.

The other night I was angry with him. I had to go to a meeting on the other side of town. Whilst I was at that meeting he filled my car with bunches of beautiful fresh flowers and love notes. I could not believe it and nor could my friends that were with me!

He left a card for me saying "I'd like to apply for the position of making you feel as special as you are."

At the moment I struggle. On a daily basis I struggle. I find I cannot give myself completely to my husband. I am sure that the day when I can give myself to him both emotionally and physically will come. I know my husband is patiently waiting for this day to arrive and will wait for an eternity if needed.

He tells me everyday how sorry he is and how much he loves me. He tells me that he has never loved anyone like he loves me, and that what we had was so special that he could never find that with anyone else.

He thanks me everyday for giving him another day. And each day he is given he believes is a miracle and a blessing.

After reading the post on the other blog today, I realised that my husband's love is enough for both of us. I do have faith in the love that we had, and believe that we will pull through this with time.

I know my husband will wait for the time when the good days outweigh the bad, but I should not take him for granted like I do. I should be focussing my energy on healing the wounds that constantly cuase me pain. I also know that I am not giving us the chance to heal and come through this whilst I focus my energies elsewhere.

And so my loyal readers I thank you for your support during the last 6 months, but Shattered is going to teach her new employee how to make her feel special!

Shattered will continue to write, just not via a public forum. Feel free to drop me an email so I can keep in touch with you.

I wish all of you the very best and look forward to catching up with soon. Shattered will be back one day!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

No need for words

He rubbed his hands through my wet hair and looked down at me. He looked deep within my eyes. Neither of us spoke. There was no need for words.

He lowered his head down to mine and his quivering lips met mine. He kissed me, tenderly and passionately.

His hands began to explore my body with his fingers gently kneading my skin. His mouth followed his fingers like ants following a trail of crumbs.

He continued to caress me, tenderly kissing every inch of my bare skin. He gently kissed my neck, he knows how much I adore that, whilst running his hands through my hair and his fingers down my body.

It felt so right. For the first time in a long time, it felt right. It felt comfortable and not strained. It felt like the first time, filled with lust and excitement, full of passion and a burning desire.

He was there. He was there in body and soul.

And we made love.

He made sweet passionate love to me. He did everything right, like always, and before too long he brought me to the steamy heights of ecstasy.

Afterwards, as we lay holding each other tightly, with legs intertwined, I cried.

I cried like a hungry baby. Tears ran down my cheeks and he gently kissed them away and held me tight. I cried because I never thought he would do that to me again.

In my heart and mind I set my marriage free and never expected in a million years that he would ever make love to me again.

And as I lay there, in a post orgasmic state with a tear streaked face, I drifted off to unconsciousness while he held me tight.
Cell Phones