My way or the highway!
Everytime I read this article by Dr Joshua Coleman, I find myself in tears, just like right now. It is so bleedingly obvious what needs to happen in order for my marriage to survive, but for some reason you just don't get it and refuse to commit yourself.
This is tearing me apart and I have given up on our marriage. I am tired of fighting for this with little or no result. I am just waiting for my heart to catch up to my head and everyday that passes with nothing from you brings them closer together. It is only a matter of time and I believe this is going to happen sooner rather than later.
I honestly thought that this marriage could be saved and you led me to believe that you wanted to save it as well. But two weeks of commitment from you does not alleviate the pain of an entire world that you brought crashing down because of your choice to step beyond the boundaries of your marriage and commitment to me.
"Affairs have the power to break up a marriage, or forever burden it with suspicion and fear"
I have never been so bloody suspicious in my entire life. I feel you still hide things from me. It would not surprise me if you were still in contact with the Mistress. If you are, you will slip up one day. And with my heightened senses at the moment I will be straight onto it. And should this be the case, I promise you will pay dearly.
Can "a couple ever recover from an affair. My answer is, "yes, if you're willing to do the work to put the marriage back on track....However, to be successful, both people almost always have to be willing to do the hard work to strengthen their relationship."
I cannot do this on my own and I will not do it on my own. I will not accept you just expecting me to deal with this on my own. I am not prepared to accept second best anymore. In a nutshell, it is 'my way or the highway'. Your behaviour and lack of commitment is proving to me that you would rather drive the highway than take the long and winding path.
The highway is a fast and furious journey with nothing but slabs of concrete and overpasses. At the end of your journey all you have is an empty tank of fuel and a lot of miles on your speedo.
The long and winding path is a longer and more tiresome journey that will leave you feeling breathless at some of the views and experiences that the crisp breeze blowing directly onto your face provide. You will forever have memories of your journey, the wonderful sights and sounds you experience along the way, a lifetime of moments to reflect upon whilst you sip a glass of good wine with your loved one who experienced the ride with you.
"The first behaviour that's required is a commitment on the part of the person who had the affair to attempt to heal the pain that it caused. The hurt partner almost always feels devastating emotions of shame, humiliation, and rage. These reactions can produce huge feelings of guilt on thepart of the person who had the affair, and many, unfortunately respond to thise feelings by shutting down, withdrawing, or simply hoping that their spouse will hurry up and move on. This never works."
Guess what? I am not just 'getting over' this and infact your continued rejection and denial is pushing me further away. You may wake up one day and realise what you are doing, but by then I will be travelling the long and winding path of recovery on my own.
"It's very important that you show a willingness to look inside yourself and see what made you vulnerable to an affair.... If you are willing to take a good, hard look at yourself, you may be able to use the affair as a starting point for change to occur."
If I were you I would also be terrified to face the demons that control you. You have become an unemotional piece of flesh that is so full of himself that you believe you are too good to delve within.
Ask yourself some serious questions.....how many women do you think would put up with your behaviour? What makes you think that you can treat women the way you do? What marriage am I? And did you not do the same thing in your previous marriages? Do you not see a pattern here? Isn't it time you addressed this behaviour? You can't blame me for your previous indiscretions. And your famous cop out "you just pick the wrong women" no longer works either.
"Many couples end in divorce as a result of an affair."
Three out of three.....100% success rate. WOW! You should be so bloody proud of this track record. Isn't it obvious where the problem lies? Or are you just too conceited to admit it?
You have the opportunity to change the stats, but it is only you that can make the necessary changes to avoid divorce number three.
My heart is nearly at the same place as my head so you are fast running out of time. To be honest I am not even sure I want this anymore. I am starting to believe you are not worthy of me.
And unless you look within yourself you will never have a meaningful relationship that travels the long and winding road, driving off into the sunset.
It is time to look in the mirror and realise you are nothing and will soon have nothing unless you address your demons.
This is tearing me apart and I have given up on our marriage. I am tired of fighting for this with little or no result. I am just waiting for my heart to catch up to my head and everyday that passes with nothing from you brings them closer together. It is only a matter of time and I believe this is going to happen sooner rather than later.
I honestly thought that this marriage could be saved and you led me to believe that you wanted to save it as well. But two weeks of commitment from you does not alleviate the pain of an entire world that you brought crashing down because of your choice to step beyond the boundaries of your marriage and commitment to me.
"Affairs have the power to break up a marriage, or forever burden it with suspicion and fear"
I have never been so bloody suspicious in my entire life. I feel you still hide things from me. It would not surprise me if you were still in contact with the Mistress. If you are, you will slip up one day. And with my heightened senses at the moment I will be straight onto it. And should this be the case, I promise you will pay dearly.
Can "a couple ever recover from an affair. My answer is, "yes, if you're willing to do the work to put the marriage back on track....However, to be successful, both people almost always have to be willing to do the hard work to strengthen their relationship."
I cannot do this on my own and I will not do it on my own. I will not accept you just expecting me to deal with this on my own. I am not prepared to accept second best anymore. In a nutshell, it is 'my way or the highway'. Your behaviour and lack of commitment is proving to me that you would rather drive the highway than take the long and winding path.
The highway is a fast and furious journey with nothing but slabs of concrete and overpasses. At the end of your journey all you have is an empty tank of fuel and a lot of miles on your speedo.
The long and winding path is a longer and more tiresome journey that will leave you feeling breathless at some of the views and experiences that the crisp breeze blowing directly onto your face provide. You will forever have memories of your journey, the wonderful sights and sounds you experience along the way, a lifetime of moments to reflect upon whilst you sip a glass of good wine with your loved one who experienced the ride with you.
"The first behaviour that's required is a commitment on the part of the person who had the affair to attempt to heal the pain that it caused. The hurt partner almost always feels devastating emotions of shame, humiliation, and rage. These reactions can produce huge feelings of guilt on thepart of the person who had the affair, and many, unfortunately respond to thise feelings by shutting down, withdrawing, or simply hoping that their spouse will hurry up and move on. This never works."
Guess what? I am not just 'getting over' this and infact your continued rejection and denial is pushing me further away. You may wake up one day and realise what you are doing, but by then I will be travelling the long and winding path of recovery on my own.
"It's very important that you show a willingness to look inside yourself and see what made you vulnerable to an affair.... If you are willing to take a good, hard look at yourself, you may be able to use the affair as a starting point for change to occur."
If I were you I would also be terrified to face the demons that control you. You have become an unemotional piece of flesh that is so full of himself that you believe you are too good to delve within.
Ask yourself some serious questions.....how many women do you think would put up with your behaviour? What makes you think that you can treat women the way you do? What marriage am I? And did you not do the same thing in your previous marriages? Do you not see a pattern here? Isn't it time you addressed this behaviour? You can't blame me for your previous indiscretions. And your famous cop out "you just pick the wrong women" no longer works either.
"Many couples end in divorce as a result of an affair."
Three out of three.....100% success rate. WOW! You should be so bloody proud of this track record. Isn't it obvious where the problem lies? Or are you just too conceited to admit it?
You have the opportunity to change the stats, but it is only you that can make the necessary changes to avoid divorce number three.
My heart is nearly at the same place as my head so you are fast running out of time. To be honest I am not even sure I want this anymore. I am starting to believe you are not worthy of me.
And unless you look within yourself you will never have a meaningful relationship that travels the long and winding road, driving off into the sunset.
It is time to look in the mirror and realise you are nothing and will soon have nothing unless you address your demons.
posted by kissmekate at 11:46 am
4 Comments:
How insane for a man to believe he just chose the wrong partners, ie 3 marriages to end because he believes the grass MUST be greener somewhere else... Shattered, you are seriously tooo good for this boy, how can anyone be considered a man who acts so foolishly. Maybe he does deserve a HO like mistress, you dear deserve far better than this man is capable of.
And next time he meets "the one" it will end, just as the last 2 already have and the third very close too.
Hey- I know that feeling - like that sickening, knot-in-my-throat and brick-in-my-stomach, "what are they doing now" or, "I have to find out xyz" feeling...
Ugh, sometimes it's just best to let the dog out of the cage.. just for your own sanity, you know what I mean? We're here for you, buddy.
Hey, ever wonder why it is that when dogs see each other they get excited??
If he is not prepared to put in the hard yards to mend your shattered heart, why does he want to move back in ? Wants his cake and eat it ? No marriage can survive this loveless union shattered without one of the partners seeking satisfaction outside your boundaries of marriage again.
anonymous I agree with you, three strikes and yer out! Please Shattered don't put yourself through anymore pain. I will say again you deserve better. Get out!
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