Monday, November 06, 2006

Marriage Is...

Marriage Is...

A commitment. Its success doesn't
depend on feelings, circumstances, or
moods ~ but on two people who are
loyal to each other and the vows they
took on their wedding day...

Marriage Is...

Hard work. It means chores, disagreements,
misunderstandings, and times when you
might not like each other very much. When
you work at it together, it can be the
greatest blessing in the world.

A relationship where two people must listen,
compromise, and respect. It's an arrangement
that requires a multitude of decisions to be
made together. Listening, respecting, and
compromising go a long way toward keeping
peace and harmony.

Marriage Is...

A union in which two people learn from
their mistakes, accept each other's faults,
and wilingly adjust behaviours that need to
be changed. It's caring enough about each
other to work through disappointing and
hurtful times, and believing in the love that
brought you together in the first place.

Patience and forgiveness. It's being open
and honest, thoughtful and kind.
Marriage means talking things out,
making necessary changes, and forgiving
each other. It's unconditional love at its
most understanding and vulnerable ~ love
that supports, comforts, and is determined to
triumph over every challenge and adversity.

Marriage is a partnership of two unique
people who bring out the very best in each
other and who know that even though they
are wonderful as individuals... they are even
better together.

Barbara Cage

When I read this verse my eyes fill with tears. I have learnt so much about myself, my husband and marriage. Had my husband not had an affair I really do believe that my marriage would have failed. Now I see there is hope for my marriage.

My relationship with my husband was truly special, something that very few couples ever experience. Right now I am not sure if we will ever have that again.

What I do know is that I have to give myself a chance to heal from this traumatic experience. I am exhausted. I am tired both physically and emotionally.

I no longer feel it is in my best interest to continue blogging. I once wrote a post on the 'Tiny window of hope' that related to the continued contact with the Mistress keeping her hopes alive. Whilst ever she reads my blog she has an insight into my life.

I have reached the stage where I realise she does not deserve to see what happens to my marriage. And therefore this will be my last ever post on 'Totally Shattered'.

To all my readers I thank you for your comments and support during the last however many months you have read my blog. Shattered will one day be back but probably in hardback on the bookshelves.

Feel free to drop me an email so I can keep you updated!

Thanks again

He will wait for that day

I was reading one of my favourite blogs today and came across a very moving post that relates so well to my life at the moment.

We all know 'Goodbye my Lover" by James Blunt, and in fact this is one of my favourite CD's at the moment. I guess the thing that got me the most from the clip I viewed today are the words that accompany it.

The man goes all out to impress the woman. He presents her with a bunch of flowers and says:

"I know you don't have love to give me today

But I am sure someday you will have.....I'm sure

And I will wait for that day

because I know that day will come.....I'm sure

But for today, please have faith in my love

Because I know it's enough for both of us."

My husband has said goodbye to his Mistress and wants nothing else but to rebuild our marriage. He tries every single day to regain my trust and show me how much he loves me.

The other night I was angry with him. I had to go to a meeting on the other side of town. Whilst I was at that meeting he filled my car with bunches of beautiful fresh flowers and love notes. I could not believe it and nor could my friends that were with me!

He left a card for me saying "I'd like to apply for the position of making you feel as special as you are."

At the moment I struggle. On a daily basis I struggle. I find I cannot give myself completely to my husband. I am sure that the day when I can give myself to him both emotionally and physically will come. I know my husband is patiently waiting for this day to arrive and will wait for an eternity if needed.

He tells me everyday how sorry he is and how much he loves me. He tells me that he has never loved anyone like he loves me, and that what we had was so special that he could never find that with anyone else.

He thanks me everyday for giving him another day. And each day he is given he believes is a miracle and a blessing.

After reading the post on the other blog today, I realised that my husband's love is enough for both of us. I do have faith in the love that we had, and believe that we will pull through this with time.

I know my husband will wait for the time when the good days outweigh the bad, but I should not take him for granted like I do. I should be focussing my energy on healing the wounds that constantly cuase me pain. I also know that I am not giving us the chance to heal and come through this whilst I focus my energies elsewhere.

And so my loyal readers I thank you for your support during the last 6 months, but Shattered is going to teach her new employee how to make her feel special!

Shattered will continue to write, just not via a public forum. Feel free to drop me an email so I can keep in touch with you.

I wish all of you the very best and look forward to catching up with soon. Shattered will be back one day!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

No need for words

He rubbed his hands through my wet hair and looked down at me. He looked deep within my eyes. Neither of us spoke. There was no need for words.

He lowered his head down to mine and his quivering lips met mine. He kissed me, tenderly and passionately.

His hands began to explore my body with his fingers gently kneading my skin. His mouth followed his fingers like ants following a trail of crumbs.

He continued to caress me, tenderly kissing every inch of my bare skin. He gently kissed my neck, he knows how much I adore that, whilst running his hands through my hair and his fingers down my body.

It felt so right. For the first time in a long time, it felt right. It felt comfortable and not strained. It felt like the first time, filled with lust and excitement, full of passion and a burning desire.

He was there. He was there in body and soul.

And we made love.

He made sweet passionate love to me. He did everything right, like always, and before too long he brought me to the steamy heights of ecstasy.

Afterwards, as we lay holding each other tightly, with legs intertwined, I cried.

I cried like a hungry baby. Tears ran down my cheeks and he gently kissed them away and held me tight. I cried because I never thought he would do that to me again.

In my heart and mind I set my marriage free and never expected in a million years that he would ever make love to me again.

And as I lay there, in a post orgasmic state with a tear streaked face, I drifted off to unconsciousness while he held me tight.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Figment of my imagination

I have received a few interesting comments in relation to the Mistress and her continuing behaviour and the way in which I have handled various situations.

I have thought long and hard about my blog and have to confess I have seriously considered ceasing blogging altogether. But when I am given something to write about on a continuous basis, why on earth would I stop?

Whilst ever she contacts me or my husband and persists with her behaviour then I will always have something entertaining to write about on my blog.

She has previously told my husband that my blog is 'killing her'. I have two suggestions :

1. Don't read it!

2. Don't give me anything to write about. Don't provide me with any story at all. Don't contact me or my husband. Don't contact any of my blogger buddies, because they WILL send me the details. Just walkaway and leave us alone! Accept his decision and move on.

These are really simple concepts to understand and not at all difficult to grasp.

And I know I have said it before but I will say it again.....I am breaking no laws when it comes to my blog. I have sought independant legal advice in relation to my blog and have been assured I am breaking no laws. There is no party that is involved identified within my blog. Hell, unless you are one of the few I email, then you don't even know where I live!

For all you know the Mistress that I write about could be a figment of my imagination, couldn't she?

Monday, October 30, 2006

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned

And so less than 48 hours ago the Mistress called my husband AGAIN.

She was highly intoxicated on either her $7 a bottle Queen Adelaide Chardonnay or her premixed bourban she drinks straight from the can.

I have to say it was a very interesting conversation as I was with my husband when she called and he put her on loudspeaker so I could hear everything.

She spoke of the fact that he had no remorse about what he had done to her. I find this very interesting when she herself doesn't seem to hold any remorse for what she has done to me! Oh but she has 'apologised' to my husband's first wife who reads my blog and is now a cyber friend of mine.

and I'm really sorry for my part in the pain caused to "the wife".

Is this an apology? Or am I reading too much into it? I know mistresses don't tend have a conscience, so maybe I am just reading too much into it.

If she had any remorse whatsoever she would not be still contacting him! But when you lack self respect and self worth I guess you have a problem dealing with a man rejecting you.

I hear there is a really good book called "He's just not that into you" by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. Perhaps I should send the Mistress a copy of it, as a gift from my husband, to aid her healing. Would that show remorse?

She once again asked "Why?"

Now, once again this raises questions for me. If she broke the affair off, like she adamantly declares on her blog, "Yep! The husband went back to her when I dumped him, 'cos he was a scared wittle boy and didn't want to be awone. There, there diddums. Is wifey drying your tears?",

Or this one

"Mostly, I feel euphoric that the pain and drama of the past 12 months is finished, because I chose to put an end to it."

Or even this one

"I dumped him alright, and he didn't like it one bit. The first time he's ever been dumped on his lying, cheating arse"

then she would not be asking "Why?", would she?

She told him she had changed all her contact details. Personally, I would not have bothered because he was never going to contact her again anyway! What an absolute inconvenience changing all your phone numbers and email addresses. There was no need to flatter herself because he is simply not interested in speaking to her in anyway.

She told him she had to move on. Well honey let's not dawdle. I find it hilariously funny that she emailed me directly three weeks ago and said this :

"I HAVE left your husband's life! My family are suffering BADLY!!! LEAVE US ALONE!!!! WE have moved on. Why won't you?"

I guess it is all about perception as to who has moved on, isn't it?

I tell you what if I knew where she wanted to 'move on' to, I'd even purchase her a one way ticket. I hear Zimbabwe is a great place!

And the final one was "I know some big people in high places that hate you now. Your life is going to change dramatically in the next few weeks." that a threat I hear?

Interesting. Very interesting!
Cell Phones