Never ending line of credit
You seem to think that I have a never ending line of credit to give to you.
You seem to think that you are entitled to a regular withdrawal from my account.
You seem to think that you do not have to repay the debt that you have already accrued.
You seem to think that there will be no interest applied to the debt.
In your own words you have the biggest debt in this marriage. But you seem to think that you do not have to contribute in anyway.
When there is no love......you cannot give love.
When there is no respect......you cannot give respect.
When there is no trust......you cannot give trust.
I cannot give what I do not have. Perhaps if you want something it is about time you started to make regular repayments, topping up my account, making it possible for withdrawals.
The line of credit always has a value attached and I believe you have reached yours.
You seem to think that you are entitled to a regular withdrawal from my account.
You seem to think that you do not have to repay the debt that you have already accrued.
You seem to think that there will be no interest applied to the debt.
In your own words you have the biggest debt in this marriage. But you seem to think that you do not have to contribute in anyway.
When there is no love......you cannot give love.
When there is no respect......you cannot give respect.
When there is no trust......you cannot give trust.
I cannot give what I do not have. Perhaps if you want something it is about time you started to make regular repayments, topping up my account, making it possible for withdrawals.
The line of credit always has a value attached and I believe you have reached yours.
posted by kissmekate at 2:05 am
11 Comments:
I hope he wakes up before he loses you all Shattered, this world may be into disposable but a family that loves you unconditional is not so replaceable. I hope he works that out before it's too late. My mate gave me a quote, Love is like a plant, if you don't water it , it will die.. without nurting even love can die.
Dear Shattered
I have been reading you for a while, but haven't commented.
I just wanted to send you this: an extract from a newsletter by r Joshua Coleman, a marriage therapist. It makes for a ridiculously long "comment", but it might be helpful. It indicates that some hard work is required on the part of the person who had the affair, and that otherwise, reconciliation can't work.
August 25,
Vol. I, Issue 2
Feature Article: “Do Affairs Spell the End of a Marriage?”
Affairs have the power to break up a marriage, or forever burden it with suspicion and fear. They also have the potential to harm the children who are exposed to them, or who learn about them later in life. One of the most common questions that I get asked in my radio and newspaper interviews is whether a couple can ever recover from an affair. My answer is, “yes, if you’re willing to do the work to put the marriage back on track.” I have worked with an increasing number of couples who were able to use the pain of an affair as a rallying point for their marriages. However, to be successful, both people almost always have to be willing to do the hard work to strengthen their relationship.
What’s required?
The first behavior that’s required is a commitment on the part of the person who had the affair to attempt to heal the pain that it caused. The hurt partner almost always feels devastating emotions of shame, humiliation, and rage. These reactions can produce huge feelings of guilt on the part of the person who had the affair, and many, unfortunately respond to those feelings by shutting down, withdrawing, or simply hoping that their spouse will hurry up and move on. This never works. If the marriage has any chance of healing, the person who has the affair has to lovingly and patiently assume that it is going to take time for trust to build again and hang in there.
Secondly, it’s very important that you show a willingness to look inside yourself and see what made you vulnerable to an affair, if you’re the one who had an affair. While there are many reasons, some common ones are a need for attention or flattery, a desire to feel independent, or an attempt to repair some feeling of inadequacy that the marriage evoked or reinforced. Sometimes people who have a hard time communicating their feelings are more likely to cheat because they can’t ask for what they want or need, can’t assert themselves, or allow feelings of resentment to grow and fester. If you are willing to take a good, hard look at yourself, you may be able to use the affair as a starting point for change to occur.
What if my partner had the affair?
While it may seem that the hurt partner wouldn’t or shouldn’t have to do any work, this isn’t always the case. Sometimes people seek affairs out of desperation or because they feel backed into a corner such as when a woman seeks a relationship with a man outside of the marriage because she’s married to a man who refuses to be affectionate or loving. In this scenario, you would have to examine what caused your wife to be interested in another man. Similarly a wife who refuses to be sexual with her husband for months, or even years would have to acknowledge how that may have contributed to her husband’s being flattered by another woman’s attention. Again, this isn’t to say that the hurt partner causes their spouse to have an affair. Rather, that both people may have to take some responsibility for how it came to pass.
Gender differences?
While men may seek affairs for emotional reasons, it’s not uncommon for a man to seek an affair, even when he’s happily married, or happy with his marital sex life. Affairs in the U.S. used to be more common among men, however, current studies show young married women are now having affairs more than their spouses. Obviously, any generalization about gender has plenty of exceptions, but, women more commonly have affairs because they are unhappy with the quality of their marriages, than because they’re seeking excitement or adventure. Because of this, many researchers consider women’s affairs to be a graver statement about the health of a marriage.
Many couples divorce as a result of an affair. While this may be inevitable for some, many of these marriages could have been saved with proper guidance. If an affair is affecting your marriage, make sure that you get help.
© 2006 Dr. Joshua Coleman
Hey Shattered!!
Have you heard the song by Rodney Atkins "If you're going through hell"?? It lifts my spirits and I thought about it while reading your post!! Here is the chorus:
If you're goin' through hell keep on going~Don't slow down if you're scared don't show it~You might get out before the devil even knows you're there! When you're goin' through hell keep on movin'~ Face that fire walk right through it
You might get out before the devil even knows you're there!
Before you know it things WILL look up!!! Hang in there girl!!
I'm sorry if I come across to you so negative, when all you need right now is to hear the right words. Sometimes the right words are the ones we do not want to hear. Darlin' is he really worth all this pain? Can you ever trust him again? Will you forever more be this unhappy with him? You need to take a really long close look. Don't have your eyes open in 2,3,5,10, years only to say, I should have left then. I've said it before and will say it again, you deserve better.
Thanks for your comments guys.
mackenzie1975 I have never heard that song. But you know what? I am going to keep going and if it means I travel this path without my husband then so be it.
anonymous - I think it has gone too far and I am really looking long and hard. He has given too little and now I really feel it is too late.
Emily that left a comment .....many thanks. Stay tuned to my blog because I am writing a post on your comment.
Hey girl,
You mean the hog is STILL reading your blog?LOLOLOLOL...she must truly be afraid that your hubby doesn't want her. What a pathetic sleaze bag he picked! Have a great day!
Meg
Yep Meg....she was in Massachusetts today!
(Eircom Ltd)
Massachusetts, Boston, United States, 0 returning visits
Date Time WebPage
4th September 2006 04:27:09
No referring link
4th September 2006 04:27:12
No referring link
And then she checked my husband's blog as well....still in Massachusetts
(Eircom Ltd)
Massachusetts, Boston, United States, 0 returning visits
Date Time WebPage
4th September 2006 13:26:10
No referring link
4th September 2006 13:26:11
No referring link
If your "old" man can't give you the love a husband has promised to give then it's time to show him the door for good. If Men can't keep us happy so that they too can be happy then he needs to learn quick sharp, NO WOMAN is going to sit back indefinately and be treated like a nothing to her spouse.. and if she does.. well maybe she gets her thrills from somewhere else.. that reminds me of a blog hee haw
I dont know, shattered, but personally, I couldn't do it. I avoid my husband and the mistress at all costs. I cannot see them, nor do I want to know of them or what they do.
But I geuss your case is different - you're still living with your husband, and you have to see if he still cheats... **shivers**
Oh, catch 22 - divorce sucks too.
solarisgal I don't live with him. He lives elsewhere. He would like to move back in but I am not allowing him back in this house until I have firm and solid proof that he is committed to this marriage.
In the meantime he resides on his own.
Post a Comment
<< Home