Fading like a flower
He reminded me today of an appointment he had set up a few weeks ago for tomorrow.
He has set up an appointment with a marriage counsellor. I am in two frames of mind as to whether or not to go. I don't know what is going to be achieved, if anything.
In the meantime, today I heard a song that I haven't heard in such a long time and it seemed so relevant.
"Fading Like A Flower (Every Time You Leave)"
performed by Roxette
In a time where the sun descends alone
I ran a long long way from home
To find a heart that's made of stone
I will try, I just need a little time
To get your face right out of my mind
To see the world through different eyes
Every time I see you oh I try to hide away
But when we meet it seems I can't let go
Every time you leave the room I feel I'm fading like a flower
Tell me why
When I scream there's no reply
When I reach out there's nothing to find
When I sleep I break down and cry
Cry, yeah
Every time I see you oh I try to hide away
But when we meet it seems I can't let go
Every time you leave the room I feel I'm fading like a flower
Fading like a rose
Fading like a rose
Beaten by the storm
Talking to myself
Getting washed by the rain
It's such a cold cold town
Oh, it's a such cold town
Every time I see you oh I try to hide away
But when we meet it seems I can't let go
Every time you leave the room I feel I'm fading like a flower
Do you remember the scene from "Beauty and the Beast" where the Beast has lost all hope and the last remaining petal of the rose is just about to fall? In order for the Beast to be saved, all he needed was for one person to tell him they loved him before the petal fell.
That is exactly how I feel at the moment.
He has set up an appointment with a marriage counsellor. I am in two frames of mind as to whether or not to go. I don't know what is going to be achieved, if anything.
In the meantime, today I heard a song that I haven't heard in such a long time and it seemed so relevant.
performed by Roxette
In a time where the sun descends alone
I ran a long long way from home
To find a heart that's made of stone
I will try, I just need a little time
To get your face right out of my mind
To see the world through different eyes
Every time I see you oh I try to hide away
But when we meet it seems I can't let go
Every time you leave the room I feel I'm fading like a flower
Tell me why
When I scream there's no reply
When I reach out there's nothing to find
When I sleep I break down and cry
Cry, yeah
Every time I see you oh I try to hide away
But when we meet it seems I can't let go
Every time you leave the room I feel I'm fading like a flower
Fading like a rose
Fading like a rose
Beaten by the storm
Talking to myself
Getting washed by the rain
It's such a cold cold town
Oh, it's a such cold town
Every time I see you oh I try to hide away
But when we meet it seems I can't let go
Every time you leave the room I feel I'm fading like a flower
Do you remember the scene from "Beauty and the Beast" where the Beast has lost all hope and the last remaining petal of the rose is just about to fall? In order for the Beast to be saved, all he needed was for one person to tell him they loved him before the petal fell.
That is exactly how I feel at the moment.
posted by kissmekate at 2:47 am
13 Comments:
Get over yourself!!! You are romanticizing the situation... he's an a-hole and betrayed you and he will never ever change... no forgiveness for infidelity... just keep thinking about when he was 'with her'... doing to her and saying to her the things he is now saying to you... don't be a fool... leopards don't change their spots!!!!!
Please go to the counselor. It sounds like he is having difficulty telling you how he feels. I believe he loves you and wants to make ammends but is stopped either by his ego or inability to find the right words. He might be able to open up at the counselor. He might be able to tell you how he feels.
Good luck,
Mike
I don't know. I'd like to say go to the appointment and try to work on your marriage ...
but I don't know if this will make him take advantage of you down the road...
tough choice, my friend.
Hey anon...harsh words!
I think about when he was with her, but I also think about what we had.
I am not about to go jumping in because I refuse to sell myself short. If I can't have what it is that I want then I don't want second best.
Romanticizing the situation.....I don't think needing to be told that you are loved is romanticizing the situation. Afterall it is one of the basic human needs is it not? But I guess with an attitude like the one you have, you might not be all that used to be told you are loved!
I dont think your romanticising Shattered, your a normal human being who wants what we all want, a happy and trusting relationship that will last the weathering of stormy weather. I don't see the harm in going to councelling either, at the end of the day you need to make a choice with all options available, and who can blame you for wanting to save your marriage. The only thing that concerns me is that he has had the ability to read yur most inner thoughts and feelings on this blog and only realised you were serious when you did the finances. You are not the bully here so dont let anyone make you think you are, he led a double life knowing full well it would cause not only you but his children pain and heartache. Can you really trust a man who was prepared to do this?
I think if it was me, I would go to see the counsellor at least once. It will at least give you an opportunity to truly say your piece, and make him see how much he has hurt you.
Whether the marriage can be saved is a whole other question, but perhaps counselling will enable you to answer that question?
Dear Totally Shattered...
I never meant to be harsh, sorry it was taken that way. I wasn't trying to be rude or insult you, just trying to put another 'spin' on it and to say that usually once someone cheats things are never ever the same... and for a person to cheat it means there's a part of them that is dishonest and wants other things besides you... whatever drove him to cheat may or may not drive him to do it again. I don't think it was necessary to insinuate to me that I'm not told that I'm loved... on the contrary, I have a wonderful husband and child... he to my knowledge has never cheated on me. But I've had boyfriends in the past that have and they never changed even now that they are married to others... they wouldn't hesitate to cheat, all I have to do is entice them... My husband tells me is all about control and nothing more... some men have it, some men don't. I do wish you well and that only good comes out of this for you. But again, I don't think it was very nice of you to throw stones at me... you blog for a reason and people provide you with their opinions, you put yourself out there, its only constructive criticism... you shouldn't take it so personally and throw nastiness back at me. You know nothing about me, I'm not the one blogging my life story!!!!
I don't know if you should go to the counselor or not. It might help, but it seems like you've given him SO many opportunities to try to make it work. I might be a bit more forgiving if he hadn't done the same thing to his first two wives.
I think Husband needs to get to therapy on his own either way to work on whatever issues cause him to be a cheater and liar.
Wow. Harsh words from anonymous. The harshest ones are always anonymous, aren't they? I'd say go for the counseling session except that you're wife #3. Did any of the others try counseling? His behaviour seems pretty deep-seated. I wish you the best in finding out if your relationship can be saved.
Dear Shattered,
Josh Coleman here. I'm glad to hear that my article was helpful. I vote for going to the appointment, not with the assumption that it will definitely save your marriage, but with an openness that there may be some possibility of that. Just make sure that the couple's therapist knows what he or she is doing. Navigating the costs of an affair on a marriage requires a lot of skill and it's easy to mess it up. I'd agree to go one time in order to see if you like the therapist and if you don't, have him get a few other names of people for you both to see. It's possible that he has truly hit bottom and is willing to make a serious transformation. If so, that will require a lot of work on his part in both couple's and individual therapy. It's also possible that he's hit bottom, and doesn't have it in him to make a serious transformation. It's also possible that he's just avoiding the pain and humiliation of the affair and the prospect of a third failed marriage and is scrambling to avoid that pain without any real ability to change. But, these are all perspectives that you can use the couple's therapist to help you determine.
I hope the session was productive Shattered, and that your husband was able to maybe realise why he is holding back emotionally, I guess thats the start of the healing process for both of you..
Thanks for your support guys.
I did go to the appointment, although have to admit I did not attend with an open mind. To be honest, the appointment was 'helpful' and I did gain some insight, more so into my own behaviour.
I will post some thoughts later about the appointment. My mind is swamped at the moment and I don't think I could get the words out correctly. Just need some of the thoughts to subside before I write.
Josh my husband read your comment and I asked straight out if it was true and correct. He stated that it was probably all three rolled in together.
Anon.....I hope you never go through this after marrying your true love and conceiving a child. I used to have a wonderful marriage too.
And I'd also like to add that I am not blogging my entire life story either, just one chapter that has 'destroyed' the rest of my life. I don't think 'get over yourself' could be viewed as constructive criticism!
Shattered, I dont really think anyone who has yet to travel this road can truly empathise. It must be nice to have the security of a safe and well oiled marriage that has not been contaminated by a breakdown. I truly wish many of us were in that safe environment but life has a way of twisting and turning and really, NO ONE is safe from this , no one !
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