Desperate times and desperate measures
He called me and wanted to come over to my house. I stated that I did not believe there was any point.
So I gave him an ultimatum. He could come over as long as he had something significant to offer me in terms of commitment to this marriage.
He turned up with a beautiful bunch of flowers. He got down on his knees in front of me and said he was sorry and that he was going to try harder.
I stared down at him stunned. With no expression I simply asked "Is that all that you have?", to which he replied "Yeah" (I can't remember the exact words but they were nothing significant).
He failed. It was the last resort for me and he failed. My heart is finally standing alongside my head.
Let me share something with you that he wrote to me a number of years ago. I have a book that I have kept all the love notes and cards and things that he has ever written me. This particular one is a letter that he wrote to me after I 'busted' him in relation to another of his indiscretions, internet pornography. I had threatened to leave on numerous occasions if he continued this behaviour, this is obviously one of those times.
28/02/01
To my darling Jane,
I'm sorry. I know that you're sick of hearing sorry. But I am. I'm so sorry. I can't believe how much damage and pain that I've caused.
I feel numb. I'm a little calmer than I was earlier on in the afternoon. It's a bit like the calm that descends upon a terminal cancer patient when he begins to come to terms with the fact that he's dying. Please don't let me die my darling. Please save me. I know that I've done you wrong time and time again, but I've always loved you....and I always will love you. I'm not about to move on to the 'next one'. You're it. I don't want to do this with anyone else. I want to be with you forever. Please let the dream continue.
Darling, I'm begging you. I would give up everything that I have to be with you. I would give away all of my possessions, I would take any test, put up with any form of punishment. I will willingly throw the rest of my life down the drain if it would help me win you back. I'm going to be knocking on your door everyday for years before I give up. These are desperate times and desperate measures are needed. I don't want to lose you Jane. I need you so much. I want to make you happy for the rest of my life. Please let me do it."
This indiscretion was so insignificant when compared to my husband's affair. Why can he not acknowledge the pain that he has caused me by stepping outside the boundaries of his marriage? Why can he not give me any heart felt apology? Why can he not give me any heart felt declaration of his love for me?
Where is this man now? This is the man that I fell in love with. This is the man that I married. This is the man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
The man that now stands before me has allowed his ego and professional profile to kill the man that I married. If I can't have the man that I fell in love with then I don't want the empty man that stands in front of me.
A simple "I'm sorry and I am going to try harder" is nowhere near enough.
Needless to say tonight I am Totally Shattered.
So I gave him an ultimatum. He could come over as long as he had something significant to offer me in terms of commitment to this marriage.
He turned up with a beautiful bunch of flowers. He got down on his knees in front of me and said he was sorry and that he was going to try harder.
I stared down at him stunned. With no expression I simply asked "Is that all that you have?", to which he replied "Yeah" (I can't remember the exact words but they were nothing significant).
He failed. It was the last resort for me and he failed. My heart is finally standing alongside my head.
Let me share something with you that he wrote to me a number of years ago. I have a book that I have kept all the love notes and cards and things that he has ever written me. This particular one is a letter that he wrote to me after I 'busted' him in relation to another of his indiscretions, internet pornography. I had threatened to leave on numerous occasions if he continued this behaviour, this is obviously one of those times.
28/02/01
To my darling Jane,
I'm sorry. I know that you're sick of hearing sorry. But I am. I'm so sorry. I can't believe how much damage and pain that I've caused.
I feel numb. I'm a little calmer than I was earlier on in the afternoon. It's a bit like the calm that descends upon a terminal cancer patient when he begins to come to terms with the fact that he's dying. Please don't let me die my darling. Please save me. I know that I've done you wrong time and time again, but I've always loved you....and I always will love you. I'm not about to move on to the 'next one'. You're it. I don't want to do this with anyone else. I want to be with you forever. Please let the dream continue.
Darling, I'm begging you. I would give up everything that I have to be with you. I would give away all of my possessions, I would take any test, put up with any form of punishment. I will willingly throw the rest of my life down the drain if it would help me win you back. I'm going to be knocking on your door everyday for years before I give up. These are desperate times and desperate measures are needed. I don't want to lose you Jane. I need you so much. I want to make you happy for the rest of my life. Please let me do it."
This indiscretion was so insignificant when compared to my husband's affair. Why can he not acknowledge the pain that he has caused me by stepping outside the boundaries of his marriage? Why can he not give me any heart felt apology? Why can he not give me any heart felt declaration of his love for me?
Where is this man now? This is the man that I fell in love with. This is the man that I married. This is the man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
The man that now stands before me has allowed his ego and professional profile to kill the man that I married. If I can't have the man that I fell in love with then I don't want the empty man that stands in front of me.
A simple "I'm sorry and I am going to try harder" is nowhere near enough.
Needless to say tonight I am Totally Shattered.
posted by kissmekate at 2:14 am
7 Comments:
I'm sorry, Shattered. If it makes you feel better, I also caught my husband surfing through Internet pornography.
When I caught him, I stopped speaking to him and just went to work the next morning. NOt only did he leave a thousand messages on my work voicemail asking to "talk", but when he saw that I wasn't picking up or answering his v-mails, he actually showed up at my job.
He wore a pin-striped suit and bought roses with him. His eyes were red like he'd been crying. One of my co-workers saw him. My heart melted - he was so gorgeous.
Five months later, he would fall in love with the Mistress and file for divorce.
Need I say "actions speak louder than words"? I think everyone except him knows that.
Flowers and "I'm sorry"? What a crock! You deserve better.
Dear Jane,
Why would he give you any more than a 'sorry I'll try harder' approach based on the fact that you've always forgiven his indiscretions and taken him back... he doesn't believe that you'll ever leave him, so why would this time be any different for him... once you take him back it will be awesome, but then he'll go back to his 'ways' again and disappoint you yet again. Once a liar always a liar... if you can betray someone you love than you are an evil person... GET RID OF HIM!!! before he does it again. Don't you love yourself?
hi guys,
thanks for your comments.
Anon you are right that I have always taken him back. However, it has not been with open arms and I have put 'conditions' on his return.
Not this time. My heart and head are in the same place and I am standing my ground. I DO deserve better and I am not going to lower the standards of what I expect. He either raises his standards to meet mine or I will NEVER even consider a future with him.
At this stage I am NOT going back. It would take a hell of a lot for me to contemplate any form of relationship with him.
Maybe Im just older, but net porn doesn't bother me anymore, men who need porn won't stop because they got caught, they just hide better in the future. In regards the the flowers and sorry Ill try harder, well he didn't try very hard thinking of something substantial did he. Maybe he does not have it in him anymore...and is waiting for you to leave him for good?
I've been away for a few days, so I've just seen your response to my comments - I'm glad that article helped you to work through things.
I am so very sorry.
A man who is confronting divorce no. 3 needs to take a long, hard look at himself. To coin a phrase, Anyone can lose one spouse. Two looks like carelessness. Three looks... pathological.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
To find out if I was the reason my unfaithful ex deserted our marriage I took the opportunity to test him.. 6 mths after he left me we had contact, I knew he was seeing his next wife to be and wanted to know if it was him that had the problem of committment. He made me dinner and before long we ended up in his bed. I knew at that time it wasn't me, it WAS him, he simply couldnt resist temptation. Just as about I was too perform his favourite act I told him this wasn't a freebie and in return for this favour he would need to buy me the latest Metallica and gunners albums.
Since we were still " legally married" I didnt feel like a ho, just a scorned woman who reminded him what a dog he was to not only me but wife no 2..
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