Signs of Desperation
*Getting involved with a married man
*Personally purchasing an interstate plane ticket (approx $500) and paying for a hotel room to spend less than 24 hours with your lover
*Sending a positive pregnancy test that was from your two year old child's pregnancy
*Performing a 'Google' search to find out the ISP provider of the wife's workplace to enable you to know when she was at work
*Performing a 'Google' search to find the mother-in-law's email address
*Emailing the mother-in-law
*Hacking in to the wife's email and blog account
*Using a web router to disguise your IP address
*Deliberately turning up at a local tourist attraction cause you know your lover is going to be there with his children whilst his wife sleeps after finishing nightshift
and the final one which is a crack up.........
*Sleeping with an empty aftershave box cause it reminds you of your EX lover
(I purchased this for my husband for Christmas.....God I have GREAT taste!)
*Personally purchasing an interstate plane ticket (approx $500) and paying for a hotel room to spend less than 24 hours with your lover
*Sending a positive pregnancy test that was from your two year old child's pregnancy
*Performing a 'Google' search to find out the ISP provider of the wife's workplace to enable you to know when she was at work
*Performing a 'Google' search to find the mother-in-law's email address
*Emailing the mother-in-law
*Hacking in to the wife's email and blog account
*Using a web router to disguise your IP address
*Deliberately turning up at a local tourist attraction cause you know your lover is going to be there with his children whilst his wife sleeps after finishing nightshift
and the final one which is a crack up.........
*Sleeping with an empty aftershave box cause it reminds you of your EX lover
(I purchased this for my husband for Christmas.....God I have GREAT taste!)
posted by kissmekate at 10:42 pm
26 Comments:
I should have my husband's attorney call her long distance to tell HER that's she's the one who's "Pitiful, Pitiful, Pitiful - you and your blog hackign are both Pitiful!"
Signs of Desperation:
* Printing out an office email that you sent, telling your lover to continue the course in divorcing his wife, and leaving it in the printer, so that the whole office can see that the two of you are together.
* Googling "Solarisgal" ten times a day, in a totally hysterical way- to see what she posts about you on different blogs
* Emailing the wife on multiple occassions even though the wife has stopped speaking to you
* Changing your tampon and purposely leaving the wrapper in the office bathroom, so that the construction guys can remember that you are the only woman in that office
And the reeeal crack up:
* Text messaging the lover at 12 in the morning, while your two children are sleeping, and telling him that you can't wait until you give birth to his baby girl even though you are in your mid forties.
Heeeeeeeeeeeee Haaaaaaaaw! LOL
How do you know all this? Don't you find this a waste of your emotional energy blogging about what 'she' did or 'does'? Who cares... everyone gets it back full circle one day.. its called Karma... you'll see. Focus your energy on yourself and healing... and your children. Plus, if 'she's' reading your blog I wouldn't give her the self-satisfaction.
This post makes you sound bitter. I know it's hard, but keep looking forward. Holding ill-will toward someone eats away at you. If someone is truly a horrible person, you don't need to point out what makes them horrible. It'll show and they'll get theirs in the end.
Okay Ive been known to be a little needy in my time but sleeping with an empty bottle of after shave ???
Spending $500.00 for 24hrs of thrills knowing you have 3 kids to feed is stupid, if you old man was inlove with her he would have paid for it in my opinion, or that would be the least I'd expect If I was a mistress, hells bells women are stupid in the 21st century. Or maybe woman on the 21st century pays a man to have an affair with these days???
Hey Guys,
I've slept on this one and I have to say that I think I have turned the corner.
Anon I know all this because the mother in law told me about the emails, she sent the aftershave box back to my husband with a letter, she sent him the pregnancy test with a letter and then told him it was from her previous pregnancy, she hacked in to me email and blogaccount and removed the comments and emails she sent me, my husband told me about the interstate night...the list goes on.
BUT you are right. ANd I think I have had a defining moment overnight.
I am not going to post anything further directly related to the mistress. SHe does not deserve the energy!
Thanks for your support guys.
what's wrong with being temporarily bitter? It's part of the divorce/seperation/jilted healing process. Have you ever seen the wedding singer? Those are normal feelings.
If you're not at least a little bitter after you've been betrayed, then you've never loved your partner.
I know. I've been betrayed by the one I love.
I agree with V rock, if you dont vent on here you will to your partner and that is more destructive in my opinon, Shattered if you are feeling the need to bitch on here do it, those of us who have travelled the same road know exactly where your venting is coming from, its okay to be human
Of course it's ok for her to vent and "be human", but really at this point that energy should be put toward SHATTERED and picking up the pieces of her life and figuring out what she's going to do. The worst thing one can do after an emotional crisis is become stagnant. Kudos to Shattered for realizing this.
And you don't have to have travelled the "same road" as someone to be compassionate and to relate to their feelings. I've never been married or cheated on, but I have been betrayed and let down and can understand how Shattered must feel.
Sometimes rage is necessary to help us to put the necessary distance between ourselves and a person we have loved who has hurt us.
But, you know, it feels like you are directing more rage at the mistress than at the husband who betrayed you.
The mistress has no relationship to you. She made you no promises. Your husband did.
betrayal of a friendship kind is very different from the betrayal of a husband or a wife. The husband is your lover, your brother, your partner in crime - the one who loves and understands you - your very soulmate - it's a very, very special feeling.
To be betrayed by him is to be betrayed by your own soul!
An extremely painful feeling - difficult to grasp.
There is absolutely no feeling like being betrayed by your spouse. If you haven't experienced it, then no, you really can't say. It's like a death in the family - like having your mother pass away. You don't know or understand the feeling until it happens to you.
Why do you think that Solaris Gal and Meg Kelso sound the way they do on their blogs? Do you think that they are abnormal? That they both are bitter and helpless?
I certainly don't. I wish I had my blog when my husband cheated on me. I can relat to everything they say on their blogs, except for the fact that my husband passed away in a car accident reccently, so I still have many unresolved issues.
Excuse me, Meg, Solaris Gal if I offended you, but this is not my intention.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
My heart breaks for you. This must be so difficult to deal with.
You should blog about what ever is on your mind at that moment, you can say what ever you need or want to. It is your blog. Your feelings at that time.
Hang in there!
I dont think its possible to be stagnant during a time like this, how can you stay still when your world just crashed and your tomorrow has to be re written !
Ditto what Emily said.
V-Rock:
I don't read Solarisgal or Meg's blogs and I don't have a friendship with them, so I can't comment on their blogs. As for their comments here, I'd say they're FAR from helpless and bitter. Strong, pissed off women who deserve to be pissed off? Absolutely. I know Shattered on a different level through emails and such and have created a friendship. I've also had the "privilege" of knowing what's going on in the Mistress' head as well. I can only comment on Shattered's situation.
I think it's totally wrong for you to say that because someone hasn't been married, then they can't understand. So a piece of paper makes it hurt more when someone cheats on you? What about people who are in love and have been in the relationship for years...I guess their spouse cheating doesn't hurt as much? And other types of betrayals don't count, either, unless it's cheating? How about being in love with someone and living with them and they become abusive? Whether it's cheating, hitting, lying...what they have in common is a lack of respect, consideration and the intent to emotionally harm. I think most of us can relate to that.
Pain and hurt is relative. To try and quantify it and say "If you haven't experienced it, then no, you really can't say. It's like a death in the family - like having your mother pass away. You don't know or understand the feeling until it happens to you" is extremely narrow-visioned. If we use your hypothesis, then compassion and empathy could not exist.
Sorry for such a long comment, Shattered!
Thanks for your support guys.
S* long commnets are welcome! I agree with you to a degree in relation to physical abuse. However, in my opinion it is not as deep as an affair involves intimacy. I can certainly appreciate your thoughts on this even though I have never lived in a physically abusive relationship. I am sure that there would be similar feelings associated with this.
emily I am certainly not attributing more anger to the mistress than my husband. Words cannot begin to describe my feelings towards my husband. BUT I still say it takes two to tango and one to walk away. She KNEW he was married and she should have said NO. I have a right to feel anger toward her and my husband. What I will never understand is the fact that she has been through this twice and she consciously made the decision to become the mistress. Words fail me on that one!
Marriage is not about a piece of paper. It's about showing the world that you are totally committed to your one and only.
If someone doesn't want to marry you, then I doubt that they want to commit to you. Why then should you expect them to remain loyal to you through out an entire lifetime? That's where the hurt is very different. With one, you are anticipating growing old together, and the other, one can never tell. When 2 people just live together, they are basicallly saying that they want freebies, without any type of real responsibility to the other - like roomates who share the rent to make things easier for them.
But it's very different when someone promises you and actually SHOWS you that they love you by actually comprimising themselves in marriage than just by living together. Very, very, different. I'm not saying that it will not hurt when a live in boyfriend leaves you - but quite frankly, you should have never given the man a big fat freebie without putting your foot down. By allowing him to just live with you, you cheapen your love and you also cheapen the value of marriage in general. Why should he marry you?? He's already got you.
You call a marriage certificate a "piece of paper" is the same as telling a brain surgeon that his certifications are just a "piece of paper". Same logic. It takes work and committment to get that "piece of paper". Do you have a college degree? Do you remember how much work it took for you to get that "piece of paper"?
I gather, that your view of marriage shows that you do not hold marriage sacred.
As for solarisgal, very sweet person, who still loves her husband, although she has some maturing to do, but she's getting there very quickly. "helpless" or "bitter" are not the right word to describe her. I have a relationship with this person and she's not as upset in person as she sounds on the blog - she frequently laughs about her blog, and uses her blog to vent, and for entertainment as well, as I feel shattered should also do the same. (BTW, I don't agree with solaris' name publsihing, and I've spoken to her and emailed her repeatedly about this - this is where she really needs to grow up).
I've never had the honor to reach out to Meg, but I do not view her as a "helpless" case either. Some people, as I suspect of Meg, love to feel as if they're grand entertainers - and they tend to exaggerate to make things funny. This might come out to some as forms of "bitterness" or "helplessness" but it might very well not be the case.
Conclusion is that I just don't think that Shattered should be limited to what she says on her blog. She should really use her blog to vent as this opens the door for new comments that might help her deal with whats on her mind.
This can become a therapeutic session for her. This is exactly what blogs are for, to publish your thoughts.
V-Rock - When did I say Solarisgal was helpless?! When did I say Shattered can't blog what she likes?! Go back and re-read my comments, as reading comprehension must not be your strong point.
And thanks, V-Rock. I'm glad that you think a 20 year old college student living with her boyfriend because she KNOWS she is TOO YOUNG and not ready TO BE MARRIED, is giving away a "BIG FAT FREEBIE". So, basically, you're saying I was a whore, prostituting myself out for half the rent?
Where the HELL did you get to be so judgmental?
Marriage is EXTREMELY SACRED to me. My parents have been married for 35 years. This is why I'm not yet married. I don't believe in divorce and I want to be sure that when I marry it's to the right person...to someone who believes equally in the sanctity of marriage and doesn't see divorce as an easy option to working things out.
Bashing and being judgmental is no way of showing support to Shattered or to those of us who have been extremely supportive of her throughout.
Sorry Shattered, but I've been very supportive of you and have visited your blog and emailed because I care. I don't come here to be bashed by your readers, so unfortunately, you're losing one.
What we appear to have here is 2 very strong opinions. I can relate to both of them. Both of them have extremely valid arguments.
Neither is right nor wrong.
S* I thank you for your support, both email and blog support. Although our opinions have differed at times I have always respected your comments and appreciated the support. I am sorry that you feel that you can no longer comment on my blog and will miss your comments should you choose to take this path :(
That's the point Shattered, you can respect my opinions even if they differ from yours...just as I can value yours. Many of your readers here can't be that mature and partial enough to understand that without hurling insults and judgments. I will gladly go over each and everyone of my comments. I've NEVER insulted anyone on here.
And for the record, in parting, I say:
I HAVE NEVER EVER CHEATED ON ANYONE NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN WITH A MARRIED MAN OR A MAN WITH A GIRLFRIEND. I BELIEVE CHEATING IS WRONG WRONG WRONG. I'VE ALWAY SAID THIS AND SHATTERED KNOWS IT.
Good grief.
Maybe your comments have been misinterpreted, maybe they come across as sound good advise but just voiced too early, it is fair to say a marriage breakdown does not happen overnight, and neither do the stages you go through to recovery. A boyfriend may take months to get over and move on, a marriage can take years. It took me 3 years after my marriage broke down to even contemplate sex again. It took its toll on me physically mentally and financially, I had broncitus in the first year for 6 months caused by stress and my going to gym 6 nights a week, the gym was to keep me occupied and to connect to belong somewhere. I was never home, I tried to escape from the pain if even for a few hours. I was suddenly for the first time living alone, I came straight from home to marriage at 21. I had to find me in a new world and yes it took me 3years. It's better to take the heal, grieve, vent, analyse and express than to move on damaged. So Yes your advise is not wrong S, but it's not time to move shattered along yet, she has to find her own way out of this place.
Welllll, sometimes I'm helpless and sometimes I'm not. :)
Oh, and I love how the commenters with the most to say on here hide behind fake names with band websites links. At least I can show my face and stand by what I say. Of course I'm not a lily-white virgin like V-Rock who saved myself for marriage and have never EVER done anything wrong at all in my life. Perhaps I should go hide in shame.
s* you would have to be one of the least judgemental people I have ever come across. You have supported me through this ordeal without judgement for my thoughts and feelings.
I also know how you feel about infidelity. I also know you have one of the biggest hearts and care for people in a way most people today do not.
You have absolutely no reason to hide away in shame! You are correct in what you say about putting yourself out there in relation to profile. Hold your head high cause I KNOW what sort of person you are.
Good luck Shattered, I aint here to be insulted by S
and S, this is the first wife, but you already know that, so if i am hiding behind phantom its not to hurl abuse at anyone on here, its for the the reason i am wife no 1 !
phantom.....I don't believe s* has referred to you. I think the reference was made to V-Rock.
How about we leave this lie now?
I love reading all my comments and take comfort that the readers of my blog feel my pain.
I don't think it is appropriate to start slanging insults around. Let's face it, nobody knows anyone here! I don;t think anyone has the place or the right to insult anyone.
Everyone needs to move on!
Thanks for your kind words, Shattered.
Phantom, my comments weren't directed at you. They were directed at V-Rock (who hides behind a fake name and insults people's characters for no reason). You know by now that I like you and we've had some good exchanges in the past, even if in a third party/anonymous sort of way.
Now, as Shattered suggested...can we get back to what we came here for?
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