just let me go
I just don't know how to do this. I don't want to do this on my own. I don't know how to be single again. I never wanted to be single.
I don't understand why you are doing this to me. If you didn't want the marriage you should not have come back. Why did you come back?
I need to move on. I need to let go.
Is this how the mistress felt? I am so desperate for something from you. I find myself sitting at the computer whilst at work refreshing my inbox, silently awaiting your email that never comes, the email that declares your love for me. Or the text message you send to my phone telling me how much you missed me.
I sit now in front of my computer at home. It is nearly 5am and I still don't sleep. I cannot stop the flow of tears. I am heartbroken. I never wanted to be on my own. I just don't want to even contemplate life on my own. I don't know how to do it. I don't want to do this with anyone else. I still don't.
You should have walked away. You should never have returned.
You should now just let me go.
I don't understand why you are doing this to me. If you didn't want the marriage you should not have come back. Why did you come back?
I need to move on. I need to let go.
Is this how the mistress felt? I am so desperate for something from you. I find myself sitting at the computer whilst at work refreshing my inbox, silently awaiting your email that never comes, the email that declares your love for me. Or the text message you send to my phone telling me how much you missed me.
I sit now in front of my computer at home. It is nearly 5am and I still don't sleep. I cannot stop the flow of tears. I am heartbroken. I never wanted to be on my own. I just don't want to even contemplate life on my own. I don't know how to do it. I don't want to do this with anyone else. I still don't.
You should have walked away. You should never have returned.
You should now just let me go.
posted by kissmekate at 4:34 am
8 Comments:
your emotions are intense. i wouldn't go as far as to tell you to live them all fully and let them embrace you, but at least know that it is good to let the grief out.
hold on.
PS. Thank you for your wonderful comment. I hope to see more of them as the diary continues.
It pains me to read ur blog. I was a mistress still consider myself one, but I never meant to hurt his wife, and then again my emotiosn overcame my logic and I stayed until recenlty he left her and his child.
Should I be ashamed? In a way i am, very much so. I've called her and told her how sorry i am, but I suppose that means nothing when her husband now lives with me.But their marriage was based on a lie, he was with me when he married her,according to him he tried breaking off the engagement and she almost lost it. i guess you can imagine the embarassment of telling your family the wedding was off, at that point I didnt care I had my ex-husband to deal with. years passed and we still remained closer than anything. She knew of my existence and she still tried to fix things. he wouldnt have it.
I'm sorry i really am for your pain.
I wish I had some fool proof suggestion but I am probably the worse person to suggest anything involved with marriage or love these days. I never wanted to be single but I am more convinced than ever I am going to end up single indefinately. I use to believe in happy ever after once untill i discovered it was for the lucky ones only who seem to have it effortlessly. Don't give up Shattered while there is still love , it aint over till the fat lady sings remember. Untill he says hes not inlove with you , you still have a chance of fixing this marriage
I'm so sorry, shattered...
things will get better - I know I sound very bad on my blog, but it does get better.
Just know that you're not alone, my love.
Hang in there, Shattered. It will be painful but you'll come out stronger in the end. Trust me, I've been through some horrible times myself.
And I know it may just be semantics, but you are not his to be let go. You are your own person. You have the power. Take yourself away.
Shattered,
Only you know how bad you feel, but I want you to know that you don't have to go through this alone.
We may not be close friends but those of us who read your blog want the best for you.
You have made the only choice available to you, and it was the right choice. It is sad but somday you will be glad you made this choice.
Many of us are becoming single again right along with you. Lets support each other through this new beginning of our lives.
Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement and support.
s* you are correct when you say that I am not his to be let go of. It is really hard when somehow he just pulls me 'back in'.
I don't know how to explain it. I know this is something that I must address within myself.
I must be strong and not allow him to do this. It is just so bloody hard when I still love the man.
He still tells me he loves me and still wants the marriage but for some reason it is not enough for me. If he wants the marriage then he needs to commit and his behaviour is showing me that he is not prepared to make those changes. If this is his choice then he cannot expect to come around here and he cannot expect to get a reaction from me when the tells me these things.
He needs to let me go and stop the power play. I need to become strong and I will become strong.
This pretty much sums up how I feel at the moment. It hurts too much to be part of the relationship when hubby seems to think that because he's given up his mistress everything is okay now, yet the fear of being alone is just as bad in it's own way. Not to mention that we live in one of the most expensive cities in the UK and there is no way I would be able to afford to pay my own way on my current salary. Hubby also seems to think that there is a fixed timescale to regaining trust and that just by saying I love you over and over it will speed things up. No matter that he is still being secretive about what he is up to yet coddles me to the point of being claustraphobic. I should have just let him walk when he was going but my fear made me fight to keep him. I have no words of comfort for you - I know they would be hollow and meaningless. Just know that I'm walking the same road and understand.
(((***hugs***)))
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