A little acknowledgement would make a difference
I am really struggling at the moment. I have sat at this bloody computer for nearly an hour and written nothing! And now the tears have started to fall.
My mind is racing like you could never imagine. So many thoughts. So many unanswered questions. So many doubts.
One of the main issues I am having trouble coping with is the picture that my husband has painted of me. Why did he feel the need to bag the shit out of me?
Here I am giving my husband another chance after he had an affair. Here I am suffering everyday. I am exhausted emotionally. I hate the person that I have become, the product of the seed he chose to sow. He is reaping the harvest now. And what a crop! He should be extremely proud of his harvest.
My mother-in-law gave me a mouthful one night, telling me she did not believe anything I said because it was all in my head and that I was an irrational woman. This happened before I knew about the affair. But you know what? SHE knew about the affair at that stage, well before me, after my husband had confided in her.
Now as a mother I cannot justify her behaviour in supporting her son's affair. And when I found out she knew about it when she gave me a verbal bashing I was so irate! How dare an amoral woman criticise me the way she did when she was justifying and supporting her son's infidelity! But I guess that was all in my head, wasn't it.
And to top it off, my mother-in-law was having contact via email with the mistress. But that is another post in itself.
The mistress has called me a lunatic. She has portrayed me to be a crazed psychopath and accused me of being into "character assassination". She has stated I am "too self absorbed in my life of anger and pain" along with being "angry and irrational".
I have been portrayed as an angry and irrational lunatic and yet here I am suffering everyday. Ultimately it does not matter what people think of me. Exactly what has been said about me I guess I will never find out. But this is taking its toll. Why am I the one that has been judged and criticised? Why am I being blamed for my husband's infidelity?
The part that hurts the most is that these people have criticised me based on what my husband has told them. That hurts.....really hurts. It actually tears me apart. Because if I am such a horrid creature why has he chosen to stay here? I have told him numerous times to leave if he wants to be with the mistress. And yet he chooses to stay.
I vowed I would never fight for a man and I have not done that. He is here because he chooses to be here, not because he is subjected to any pressure or ultimatums to stay. I will never fight for a man because in my opinion he then stays for the wrong reasons. I enjoy my own company and I am happy to be single. My husband knows this and he knows that I will NEVER fight for him. If he chooses to go then I will never beg him to return.
I am just torn apart knowing that he painted this picture of me. I am trying to deal with this but at the end of the day I am the one that is struggling to cope. I know I will never receive an apology from my mother-in-law or the mistress. And I don't believe I will get an adequate apology from my husband either.
Some form of acknowledgement from someone of the pain and heartache that I experience everyday would make a difference to me. But instead I am the one that is criticised and judged and yet I am the one that chose to remain faithful.
It hardly seems fair and makes me ask the question if it is all worth it.
My mind is racing like you could never imagine. So many thoughts. So many unanswered questions. So many doubts.
One of the main issues I am having trouble coping with is the picture that my husband has painted of me. Why did he feel the need to bag the shit out of me?
Here I am giving my husband another chance after he had an affair. Here I am suffering everyday. I am exhausted emotionally. I hate the person that I have become, the product of the seed he chose to sow. He is reaping the harvest now. And what a crop! He should be extremely proud of his harvest.
My mother-in-law gave me a mouthful one night, telling me she did not believe anything I said because it was all in my head and that I was an irrational woman. This happened before I knew about the affair. But you know what? SHE knew about the affair at that stage, well before me, after my husband had confided in her.
Now as a mother I cannot justify her behaviour in supporting her son's affair. And when I found out she knew about it when she gave me a verbal bashing I was so irate! How dare an amoral woman criticise me the way she did when she was justifying and supporting her son's infidelity! But I guess that was all in my head, wasn't it.
And to top it off, my mother-in-law was having contact via email with the mistress. But that is another post in itself.
The mistress has called me a lunatic. She has portrayed me to be a crazed psychopath and accused me of being into "character assassination". She has stated I am "too self absorbed in my life of anger and pain" along with being "angry and irrational".
I have been portrayed as an angry and irrational lunatic and yet here I am suffering everyday. Ultimately it does not matter what people think of me. Exactly what has been said about me I guess I will never find out. But this is taking its toll. Why am I the one that has been judged and criticised? Why am I being blamed for my husband's infidelity?
The part that hurts the most is that these people have criticised me based on what my husband has told them. That hurts.....really hurts. It actually tears me apart. Because if I am such a horrid creature why has he chosen to stay here? I have told him numerous times to leave if he wants to be with the mistress. And yet he chooses to stay.
I vowed I would never fight for a man and I have not done that. He is here because he chooses to be here, not because he is subjected to any pressure or ultimatums to stay. I will never fight for a man because in my opinion he then stays for the wrong reasons. I enjoy my own company and I am happy to be single. My husband knows this and he knows that I will NEVER fight for him. If he chooses to go then I will never beg him to return.
I am just torn apart knowing that he painted this picture of me. I am trying to deal with this but at the end of the day I am the one that is struggling to cope. I know I will never receive an apology from my mother-in-law or the mistress. And I don't believe I will get an adequate apology from my husband either.
Some form of acknowledgement from someone of the pain and heartache that I experience everyday would make a difference to me. But instead I am the one that is criticised and judged and yet I am the one that chose to remain faithful.
It hardly seems fair and makes me ask the question if it is all worth it.
posted by kissmekate at 11:53 pm
9 Comments:
Please, girl, dont get me started.
Number one, even though I will always love my stbx, I cannot fight for him, because I feel that it will lower my character and cheapen my love. I would rather avoid and not see him again. I choose to die inside rather than make a fool out of myself.
Second, I wrote an honest email to my in laws regarding with what happened, and they haven't responded. I can only conclude that they only listen to what their son tells them and that's it - never mind the fact that I was in the family for 10 years. Actually, it took me a while to get over this part of my divorce, but thankfully, I'm over it.
Third, I caught my mother telling my brother that part of the break up of my marriage is my fault for "studying and reading books and not paying adequate attention to her husband." She had the odacity to tell my brother to "keep that sister of yours in check." I was very angry with her - and started to avoid her, but she was later able to talk and negotiate with my point of view.
My friend, shattered, speak for yourself - I hate the single life! :) But it can be fun at times.
Finally but not least, it really hurts me that my stbx husband - once my best friend, brother, partner and lover - has labeled me with all sorts of psychotic terms in front of his part time lover. You should see the charges that he had written up in the divorce papers.
Heck, you should have witnessed his lawyer when she raised her voice and told me that "You are getting a divorce - get over it".
Yes, it's all very painful, and if you stop reconciling, and wind up in the situation that I am in, you are going to have to change that handle from "shattered" to "totally ruined."
And the journey will not be a good one - I guarantee it - although I couldn't tell you if your decision might or might not be for the best in the long run.
Hopefully your partner can repair the damage with your mother in law, after all he is the one responsible for tainting it. I don't think her opinion of you is important, its your opinion of you is however. I also think it is disgusting the mistress and the mother in law playing on the same team.
Like the comment above, stay positive, and strong. There is no excuse for infidelity, no matter what the situation. You had a commitment between eachother. He could have left. You don't seek elsewhere for happiness...if you aren't happy, then work it out (speaking of what he should have done) My father cheated on my mother numerous times...Ive met most of them. Believe me, they are all in the same position as you...the mistresses can say all they want about you but one day, it WILL happen to them and they will see how he really is. Be patient, trust me, you have the upper hand...you never cheated, they did...and they all know it. That right there makes your standards as a loyal woman great. laugh. Do not put yourself as low as them. You work on yourself, be a kind person, help others, do not lower yourself. God wants nothing for you except to be happy...you do what will make you a better person because your happiness should not depend on others opinion of you. Try not to worry or think about it too much...it only will make you more depressed. You seem like a very good person...and everyone has worth, do not let anyone tell you different.
It's heartbreaking when the one that you love has pulled you to pieces. I now believe it is their way of Justifying the affair.
I have to wonder, is a person capable of doing that in itself actually deserving of someone who has a true heart. Let grief run it's course, and look at it again, with fresh eyes.
Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment guys.
I received an email today from my mother in law that has really affected me. She sent it yesterday but I don't check that account regularly so only got the messages today. Very timely really after I posted this last night!
And the content of this email she questions MY integrity. As I stated to her I really do not think she is in a position to question anyone's integrity after she supoprted her son and his mistress's affair without stopping to think about me or the children involved.
I can't write much at the moment because I just have been a wreck all day.
I'll be back later in the week.
"Because if I am such a horrid creature why has he chosen to stay here?"
Shattered, it's NOT about HIM. It's about YOU! It's not whether he chooses to stay, it's whether you ALLOW him to stay. You need to take full control and identify what it is that you want and what is best for you.
I heard this cheesy thing on tv the other day "Sometimes winning the argument means losing the bed" (and having to sleep on the couch). You need to be absolutely sure that "winning" your husband is what you want. Not losing him to the other woman is not the end of it. You need to know that you can trust and love him and not worry about him doing it again. AND, you need to know that you can deal with MIL for years to come and that she will most likely never apologize for how she's betrayed you.
please for your sanity, move on , either kick him out or leave him, you are too good of a person to put up with his S**t and disrespect. Do yourself a favour respect yourself, get out of that relationship, you deserve better and someone is waiting to met you and love you.
Your husband is the bad guy. Let him paint you with whatever brush he likes.....you and God both know the truth. His mistress and mother don't like you? Phuk them!!!!!! They are not quality people!!! They are not worth your words, nor are they worth your thoughts. You are as strong as you need to be!!! You are a conscionable force!! Never forget that!
You are worthy of a faithful husband.. remember that.
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