The tiny window of hope - slams shut!
My husband is an extremely loving man. He has struggled over the last few weeks knowing that he has caused pain for not only me, but also his mistress. He would do just about anything to alleviate the pain that he has caused. Every single day he regrets his involvement with his mistress and constantly apologises for not trying to address the issues in our marriage.
The mistress has continued to email, call and text message my husband, the last messages being received last week. She has been calculated with her constant and manipulative contact, doing things to ensure a response from my husband. She has sent him items in the post, including a positive pregnancy test accompanied by a letter stating she terminated the pregnancy (after my husband contacted her she admitted that the test was one she had saved from her youngest child's pregnancy). But her objective was met as my husband initiated contact with her.
She even went to the trouble of deleting his entire blog which he did not have copies of the pieces he had written. But then magically some of his blog reappeared on a slightly different blogsite address. The new blog used all the correct profile and copies of some of his older written works.
She would text message him and state that she was going to place more personal details on her blog, knowing full well that he would contact her. She would email him at work with messages designed to get a response like this .
She even had her so called 'friends' hijack her computer and send me through highly edited copies of the emails between herself and my husband, giving me evidence of the continued contact between them. And yep, you guessed it...my husband called her to tell her he thought she had stepped right over the line by doing this. And of course she pleaded her innocence! But again she had success...he initiated the contact.
My husband, being so loving and bloody naive believed that he could respond without consequence, hoping to eliminate some of the pain that he so willingly accepts he caused.
As you can imagine, this has caused great drama between my husband and I. As I constantly stated to him, while ever he responded to her manipulative ways she would never just dissolve into nothingness. She would always see that there was hope for her.
When I got home from work yesterday he was so excited and could not wait to share with me the blog site that he found. Here is an excerpt. The words speak for themselves.
He called me up!!!! I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw his number in my call records and my heart just skipped a beat!! Of course if I had seen it while it was ringing then I would have jumped on the phone and taken the call. Not desperate am i?!! I took the cowards way out and I smsed him asking “wat?”
I got a reply message saying “Nothing just wanted to check how you are doing?” Now what is that supposed to mean?? Is he worried about me? Does he miss me? Is he plain bored? Why is it that people say it’s difficult to understand women?!! Men aren’t simple themselves you know. I wish I could know what it was that he was thinking of when he made that call.
You know what I am getting hyper for no reason at all. Right now what really makes me boil is ….. I was getting used to desperation and darkness and out of the blue he comes and opens a tiny window of hope for me. However realistically or cynically (perhaps) I know that nothing is going to come out of this. My heart refuses to believe in it!!! Its as if….maybe he does love me….maybe he regrets…maybe….. How pathetic I am and what a desperate creature I have become? I have proof…..i have seen pictures of him and his fiancé together, happy as a lark. He must have been bored and thought why not give a call?
Worst part I responded to his sms, with the truth, absolutely no concept of self respect or self esteem came into my mind as I typed in that sms. It said “ Contemplating suicide seriously, always in tears, not able to live without you, can you do something about this”
The only difference between the two situations is that it is the mistress in my marriage that is continuing to keep the communication going.
It appears that my husband finally gets it! And it was only last night when he looked deeply within my eyes, gently cupping my face between his beautiful soft hands and said to me "This is exactly what you have been saying all along, isn't it?" that I knew his relationship with her was finally over.
The mistress has continued to email, call and text message my husband, the last messages being received last week. She has been calculated with her constant and manipulative contact, doing things to ensure a response from my husband. She has sent him items in the post, including a positive pregnancy test accompanied by a letter stating she terminated the pregnancy (after my husband contacted her she admitted that the test was one she had saved from her youngest child's pregnancy). But her objective was met as my husband initiated contact with her.
She even went to the trouble of deleting his entire blog which he did not have copies of the pieces he had written. But then magically some of his blog reappeared on a slightly different blogsite address. The new blog used all the correct profile and copies of some of his older written works.
She would text message him and state that she was going to place more personal details on her blog, knowing full well that he would contact her. She would email him at work with messages designed to get a response like this .
She even had her so called 'friends' hijack her computer and send me through highly edited copies of the emails between herself and my husband, giving me evidence of the continued contact between them. And yep, you guessed it...my husband called her to tell her he thought she had stepped right over the line by doing this. And of course she pleaded her innocence! But again she had success...he initiated the contact.
My husband, being so loving and bloody naive believed that he could respond without consequence, hoping to eliminate some of the pain that he so willingly accepts he caused.
As you can imagine, this has caused great drama between my husband and I. As I constantly stated to him, while ever he responded to her manipulative ways she would never just dissolve into nothingness. She would always see that there was hope for her.
When I got home from work yesterday he was so excited and could not wait to share with me the blog site that he found. Here is an excerpt. The words speak for themselves.
I got a reply message saying “Nothing just wanted to check how you are doing?” Now what is that supposed to mean?? Is he worried about me? Does he miss me? Is he plain bored? Why is it that people say it’s difficult to understand women?!! Men aren’t simple themselves you know. I wish I could know what it was that he was thinking of when he made that call.
You know what I am getting hyper for no reason at all. Right now what really makes me boil is ….. I was getting used to desperation and darkness and out of the blue he comes and opens a tiny window of hope for me. However realistically or cynically (perhaps) I know that nothing is going to come out of this. My heart refuses to believe in it!!! Its as if….maybe he does love me….maybe he regrets…maybe….. How pathetic I am and what a desperate creature I have become? I have proof…..i have seen pictures of him and his fiancé together, happy as a lark. He must have been bored and thought why not give a call?
Worst part I responded to his sms, with the truth, absolutely no concept of self respect or self esteem came into my mind as I typed in that sms. It said “ Contemplating suicide seriously, always in tears, not able to live without you, can you do something about this”
The only difference between the two situations is that it is the mistress in my marriage that is continuing to keep the communication going.
It appears that my husband finally gets it! And it was only last night when he looked deeply within my eyes, gently cupping my face between his beautiful soft hands and said to me "This is exactly what you have been saying all along, isn't it?" that I knew his relationship with her was finally over.
posted by kissmekate at 1:43 am
3 Comments:
It appears that my husband finally gets it! And it was only last night when he looked deeply within my eyes, gently cupping my face between his beautiful soft hands and said to me "This is exactly what you have been saying all along, isn't it?" that I knew his relationship with her was finally over.
Hugs to you and your hubby. You've got through the hard part, because now he sees that as long as he responds to her he gives her hope. We had to threaten our little madam with the police (we have stalking laws - I don't know what the situation is in Australia) and as I'm staff at the University she studies at, I could have had her kicked out of the Uni for harassing us with just one phone call to her Director of Studies. Maybe now that he gets it you might want to get a solicitor to send a cease and desist letter, that will get the message across to her that it's over and you and your husband can start repairing the damage without the other person in the room.
My hubby and I have almost done that, we just have "friends" who like to stir up trouble, light blue touch paper and retreat to safe distance to watch the fireworks. We're wise to it now so fall for it much less often, but the other woman has physically gone from our lives we're now exorcising her ghost from the emotions. You've got that process to go through and believe me it can be hard and there will be tears along the way but at least you'll be crying them together. Again *hugs* to both of you for making it this far.
shattered, I'm very glad about your experience. I wish you many more good ones!
Just remember, if it doesnt kill you itll make you stronger. Been in a similar situation however it was with my best friend, my ending was a bit harsher, he moved her after he moved me out lol. I can lol now cos its been a while but you never forget, just move on sometimes.
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