I could never be a mistress
This whole affair has stirred emotions and thoughts in me that I never thought would be stirred. One of the things that I just can't come to grips with is the thought of being a mistress. Despite my morals not allowing me to become intimately involved with a married/attached person I just don't think I could ever come to grips with the emotional side of an affair either.
As a woman I cannot begin to understand why you would become involved with a married man. What goes through your head as a mistress to believe that anything good can come out of an affair? Do you try and justify your behaviour by creating a belief system that supports the affair eg "She treated him horribly" or "She was a lunatic" or "She was into character assassination".
How do you emotionally cope with having sex with a man who is wearing his wedding ring? Do you just accept this or do you try to justify it? Or do you simply say "Hey can you just take your ring off for 20 minutes while you have sex with me?" Are you naive to believe that he wasn't having sex with his wife as well as you? Or do you simply tell him that you don't want him to have sex with his wife, afterall you are all that he desires, so he does not have any need to sleep with her, does he?
And then, there are times that the married man reaches out to his wife with moments of love. For example, when my husband took me to a 5 star hotel and we stayed in the Presidential Suite for the night before taking me hot air ballooning the following morning for my birthday. He did this whilst involved with his mistress so, as the mistress, how would you cope with this, particularly when your birthday comes around and you only get an email or a phone call.
And what about the times that he cried on your shoulder because he treated his wife so poorly? How could you unbiasedly console him in his moment of need? I know you would not want to address these issues as the mistress, because deep within your heart you are hoping that you will spend the rest of your life with him, and this is admitting his fault within the marriage and possibly raising thoughts within him that his wife wasn't all that bad. How would you cope with him confiding in you about the things that he did to let his wife down?
If the relationship was so great wouldn't you expect to spend QUALITY time together? Wouldn't you want to be taken out socially and share really meaningful moments? Or maybe these things just aren't important when you are simply the "I've got a spare 5 minutes" filler. Would you feel used and abused? Or perhaps even rejected when he leaves you to go home to his wife and family?
Wouldn't you want more than an empty relationship? Would you not doubt whether or not he would do the same to you? How would you tell your friends and family..."Well at the moment he is married but he is going to leave his wife and kids soon and move in with me." With societies views on infidelity are you not setting yourself up to be judged and ostracised?
I understand that there would be promises made and lies told but would you not question the nature of the relationship from the outset? As a woman I know that I would want more than an affair could possibly offer. I don't think the excitement of getting caught would ever be enough for me to become involved with a married man. The implications for me and my children would be enough to steer me away from becoming involved with any married man, let alone adding my morals to the equation and having to live with the knowledge I helped to break a family unit apart, as well as destroying my own family unit once he goes back to his wife and children.
I know I would never be able to cope with being tucked away in a shoebox at the back of a closet. I just could not do it!
As a woman I cannot begin to understand why you would become involved with a married man. What goes through your head as a mistress to believe that anything good can come out of an affair? Do you try and justify your behaviour by creating a belief system that supports the affair eg "She treated him horribly" or "She was a lunatic" or "She was into character assassination".
How do you emotionally cope with having sex with a man who is wearing his wedding ring? Do you just accept this or do you try to justify it? Or do you simply say "Hey can you just take your ring off for 20 minutes while you have sex with me?" Are you naive to believe that he wasn't having sex with his wife as well as you? Or do you simply tell him that you don't want him to have sex with his wife, afterall you are all that he desires, so he does not have any need to sleep with her, does he?
And then, there are times that the married man reaches out to his wife with moments of love. For example, when my husband took me to a 5 star hotel and we stayed in the Presidential Suite for the night before taking me hot air ballooning the following morning for my birthday. He did this whilst involved with his mistress so, as the mistress, how would you cope with this, particularly when your birthday comes around and you only get an email or a phone call.
And what about the times that he cried on your shoulder because he treated his wife so poorly? How could you unbiasedly console him in his moment of need? I know you would not want to address these issues as the mistress, because deep within your heart you are hoping that you will spend the rest of your life with him, and this is admitting his fault within the marriage and possibly raising thoughts within him that his wife wasn't all that bad. How would you cope with him confiding in you about the things that he did to let his wife down?
If the relationship was so great wouldn't you expect to spend QUALITY time together? Wouldn't you want to be taken out socially and share really meaningful moments? Or maybe these things just aren't important when you are simply the "I've got a spare 5 minutes" filler. Would you feel used and abused? Or perhaps even rejected when he leaves you to go home to his wife and family?
Wouldn't you want more than an empty relationship? Would you not doubt whether or not he would do the same to you? How would you tell your friends and family..."Well at the moment he is married but he is going to leave his wife and kids soon and move in with me." With societies views on infidelity are you not setting yourself up to be judged and ostracised?
I understand that there would be promises made and lies told but would you not question the nature of the relationship from the outset? As a woman I know that I would want more than an affair could possibly offer. I don't think the excitement of getting caught would ever be enough for me to become involved with a married man. The implications for me and my children would be enough to steer me away from becoming involved with any married man, let alone adding my morals to the equation and having to live with the knowledge I helped to break a family unit apart, as well as destroying my own family unit once he goes back to his wife and children.
I know I would never be able to cope with being tucked away in a shoebox at the back of a closet. I just could not do it!
posted by kissmekate at 4:30 pm
1 Comments:
Hey Shattered,
I agree 110%.
As a matter of fact, I had elaborated on this on my own blog when you first posted this.
By the way, thanks for your comments regarding my last post. I eventually took it down - didn't want to come off as being too immature! (I'm in the midst of my ugly divorce proceedings)
Post a Comment
<< Home