Treading water
So I found myself treading water. I could not make any decision and neither could my husband. He seemed just as confused as me. Both of us just seemed to exist. Neither of us could commit anything to the other person and I guess both of us believed that the marriage was over.
It truly was a bizarre feeling that surrounded us. There were no tears, just an overwhelming feeling of sadness. I still had many unanswered questions but I accepted that they would never be answered.
I found myself in an extremely difficult position. It was my husband's birthday, a milestone birthday at that. I had to purchase him a gift from the children. I did not want to cross any boundaries and found it extremely difficult to find a personal gift that did not make either of us feel uncomfortable.
I found a couple of gifts from the children, but I also wanted to get him something. I wanted something meaningful, but not too personal. It was tough but I eventually found something.
The toughest part of this whole exercise was finding a card for him. Everything I picked up just did not seem suitable. It was too lovey dovey or expressed nothing at all. Eventually, after checking out approximately 6 different shops and purchasing 5 different cards, I found the perfect card.
The following day we went out for his birthday lunch. He had chosen one of our favourite restaurants. It was a bittersweet lunch for me because we were originally going to hold our wedding reception at this restaurant. But despite the lack of feeling between us, we all had a wonderful time.
The following night was an interesting night. My husband was showing signs of depression. I know all too well what depression is having suffered post natal depression after the birth of our children.
I comforted him and told him that what he was feeling was normal. He was grieving, something that he has never really experienced. I told him that he needed to allow himself the time to grieve and that it would pass in time.
I discussed with him the process of grieving, and reminded him of the stages that he would face. We discussed the time we were grieving for our first conceived child we lost through miscarriage. He remembered the stages I went through and then felt comforted knowing what he was experiencing was real and perfectly normal. I hugged him and wiped away his tears, not expecting anything from him. I was merely comforting my friend.
And that is exactly what it felt like..... comforting a friend in their time of need.
It truly was a bizarre feeling that surrounded us. There were no tears, just an overwhelming feeling of sadness. I still had many unanswered questions but I accepted that they would never be answered.
I found myself in an extremely difficult position. It was my husband's birthday, a milestone birthday at that. I had to purchase him a gift from the children. I did not want to cross any boundaries and found it extremely difficult to find a personal gift that did not make either of us feel uncomfortable.
I found a couple of gifts from the children, but I also wanted to get him something. I wanted something meaningful, but not too personal. It was tough but I eventually found something.
The toughest part of this whole exercise was finding a card for him. Everything I picked up just did not seem suitable. It was too lovey dovey or expressed nothing at all. Eventually, after checking out approximately 6 different shops and purchasing 5 different cards, I found the perfect card.
The following day we went out for his birthday lunch. He had chosen one of our favourite restaurants. It was a bittersweet lunch for me because we were originally going to hold our wedding reception at this restaurant. But despite the lack of feeling between us, we all had a wonderful time.
The following night was an interesting night. My husband was showing signs of depression. I know all too well what depression is having suffered post natal depression after the birth of our children.
I comforted him and told him that what he was feeling was normal. He was grieving, something that he has never really experienced. I told him that he needed to allow himself the time to grieve and that it would pass in time.
I discussed with him the process of grieving, and reminded him of the stages that he would face. We discussed the time we were grieving for our first conceived child we lost through miscarriage. He remembered the stages I went through and then felt comforted knowing what he was experiencing was real and perfectly normal. I hugged him and wiped away his tears, not expecting anything from him. I was merely comforting my friend.
And that is exactly what it felt like..... comforting a friend in their time of need.
posted by kissmekate at 2:08 pm
4 Comments:
He is very very lucky to have you Shattered !
You truly are a genuine person. He is luckly to have had you for the time that he did. You will be ok!!
But his Shattered lucky to have him, Sandman? Nope. If I've learned anything from my own heartache is that it MUST be a two-way street.
No he doesn't deserve Shattered but that's upto her to decide, all relationships need to be a two way street to survive, and if he pulls over I dare say Shattered will drive on by. If he hasn't got what it takes I am sure she will keep on driving.
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