Please do not wake me

I am back from spending a wonderful weekend away. The last two weeks have been incredible. So much has happened and yet part of me feels that nothing has changed. I promise that I will fill in the gaps from this period over the next week or so.

But as requested in emails and comments let me tell you about my weekend!

My husband and I went away together. We went to my home town, the town where I grew up. The town we first met and fell in love. The town in which we shared so many happy moments and created wonderful memories.

There were times over the weekend when I experienced bittersweet feelings. It was like I had time warped back to the start of our relationship, and all the hurt and pain seemed to disappear. But then there were times when I realised that we were there trying to reconnect after the most horrendous 18 months.

But I am excited to say that the weekend proved to be a period of rediscovery for both of us. We did so many things together and had an absolutely wonderful time.

We communicated to each other on a level that has not existed for what seems to be an eternity. We learnt new things about each other and also about ourselves as individuals.

We drove past my old house that I lived in when we first met. We drove past the first house we lived in together. We drove past our favourite spots and reminisced about the really good times that we shared.

Without my knowledge my husband had organised for our children to be looked after and he took me out for dinner. We had the most amazing evening. He took me to one of our favourite restaurants on the harbour's foreshore that we often went to whilst living in my home town.

We sat and drank a beautiful bottle of wine whilst watching the gorgeous pink and orange colours of the sunset as the ships entered and left the harbour. The cityscape painted the perfect picture with the gorgeous night lights reflecting off the beautiful blue water of the harbour and beach.

After dinner my husband and I walked hand in hand along the beach. It was a perfect night for walking along the water's edge. The water was beautiful and warm, and the breeze was a perfect temperature, not cold, but crisp and cool whilst blowing against our faces.

We strolled along the breakwall to the lighthouse that was lighting up the night sky. My husband turned to me and held me tight. He looked down at me whilst holding my face in his hands. He had tears in his eyes and he said something along these lines to me :

"I am so sorry for the pain that I have caused. I realise now how much I love you and never wanted the marriage to end. I thought you would never forgive me and what I have done to you."

"Let me be the lighthouse that guides you through these stormy waters, the same way you have guided me the last 4 months. Let me be the light that lights up your heart and your life. Please let us have what we had before."

He then kissed me. He kissed me so passionately, as though it was the first time he had ever kissed me. I felt the flutters in my stomach. It was an amazing feeling. Even now when I think about that kiss, I still feel the flutters.

I am still in a daze after the last 2 weeks. Everything feels so surreal at the moment. I have this underlying fear that I will awake and realise that this was a dream. I keep pinching myself, and asking myself "Is this happening? Is this REALLY happening?"

This dream is providing me with peace, a feeling I have not felt for a long time. I feel comfort. I feel security. I feel loved. I feel wanted.

If I am dreaming please do not wake me.